Tricky Family Relationships and Peace

I don’t know about you, but I’ve tried to handle family relationships with peace over the years.

This Thanksgiving I’m not having problems, but in the past, I’ve run into difficulties.

It’s not my fault if the in-laws, siblings, cousins, aunts and uncles and even children don’t agree with my brilliance.

Er, don’t see eye to eye with me on a variety of matters.

So, what’s a person to do?

Or, perhaps more accurately, what’s a Christian to do, since that’s what I am?

The verse that has meant the most to me in these tricky situations comes from Romans 12:18

“If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live in peace with all men.”

Romans 12 is one of my favorite chapters in the Bible, and that verse gives me hope.

The verse can be broken up into three parts.

1. “If it is possible.”

Sometimes no matter what I do, people choose not to live peaceably with me. But the onus of this passage is not on their reaction to me, but on my reaction to them. It calls to mind Matthew 5:23-24:

 Therefore if you bring your gift to the altar, and there remember that your brother has something against you,  leave your gift there before the altar, and go your way. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift.

God looks at the attitude of my heart when hearing my prayers. If I spend all my time telling God how awful someone else is, that may be legitimate, but what he really wants to hear is my heart toward whomever I’m wrestling with (even if only in my mind and heart). If I have an objection to something someone did, I need to deal with them about it.

How can I tell if I’m having a problem? I won’t feel at peace.

But what if I can’t discuss the situation with them? What do I do then?

2. “As much as depends on you.”

Go back to my own heart. Examine the circumstances, look at Scripture, pray for forgiveness for myself and then forgive the other.

That’s the way of the cross.

Again, God is looking at my heart–what do I need to do to love that individual?

I find it helps to “turn the prism,” and look at the individual from a different point of view. I doubt most people I cross emotions with get up in the morning thinking, “how can I vex Michelle today?”

Do you?

So, why would I assume the difference of opinion is because they hate me or want to do evil to me?

When I finally realized one day how my attitude toward someone was a stereotype and I’d never really gotten to know this relative, I decided to make a change.

We’ll never agree on a mountain of issues, but we can agree on several:

1. We love our family.

2. We’ll always be part of the same family.

3. We share a number of similarities and values.

So I focused on what we have in common and ignored the rest.

I love my relative dearly.

3. Live in peace with all men (and women)

My decision to live peaceably with my contrary relationships is a an act of my will.

You make choices about relationships all the time.

I’ve chosen the following:

1. I’ll ignore what I cannot change, but will continue to pray.

2. I’ll chose not to take offense.

3. If need be, I keep interactions to a bare minimum.

4. I pray before I talk with people who upset me.

5. I leave the results to God.

In my world, people aren’t trying to kill me. I don’t know how these ideas would sit with me if I did.

But for 21st century America, this is how I’ve chosen to live: in peace with those round about me.

And for good relationships with many with whom I disagree, I am thankful this Thanksgiving.

 

Tweetables

Three tips from Romans 12 on living in peace with relatives. Click to Tweet

What does it mean to live in peace with all men and women? Click to Tweet

Living in peace with challenging people. Click to Tweet