Do you have someone in your life who can say “no” to you and you’ll accept it?
Why not?
Are you never wrong?
Passages in the Bible admonition us to love one another and to speak the truth in love. Sometimes that means saying “no,” and it’s important we all have someone who we’ll listen to and either reconsider, or agree with.
Fools get rid of their checks and balances
A long time ago a celebrity businessman divorced his first wife. I shook my head. “What a foolish man.”
My husband stared at me. “Why would you even have an opinion on that subject?”
I smiled at my accountability partner. “We all need someone to say “no” to us. He may be a successful businessman but he just threw away the one person who could stop him from himself.”
In my case, and for many, it’s a spouse.
The Bible alludes to such a need in Ephesians 5: 15-17 and 21:
15 See then that you walk circumspectly, not as fools but as wise, 16 redeeming the time, because the days are evil. 17 Therefore do not be unwise, but understand what the will of the Lord is. . . . .21 submitting to one another in the fear of God.
(I’ve cut out passages about drinking wine and praising God)
Accountability groups needed
God wants us to be wise, but because we operate in a world in which our perceptions can become muddied and we’re influenced to act in contradiction to Biblical truth, we need someone to hold us accountable. A group of someones can be helpful, too.
One of our children once was involved in a relationship we didn’t trust. We spoke to him, but he was determined.
He was at an age when he no longer welcomed nor valued our “no.” We could only pray.
Fortunately, he actively participated in a young men’s accountability group. They studied the Bible together but also played together–these were his close friends.
NOT my child.
They recognized the same problem we did, but at that time in his life, their “no” was more acceptable to him. He listened and eventually let the relationship go.
(Good news–it all worked out beautifully in his life and for the other party!)
We are so thankful he had people he’d listen to.
We all need a trusted individual we can go to for an opinion and know they have our best at their heart.
Permission to disagree
I’ve given permission to my husband and my prayer partner to say “no,” to me. Others chime in as appropriate–my boss, my pastors, my choir director, my woodwind ensemble leader (same person), anyone in authority over me.
I don’t always like hearing it.
I don’t always like God’s “no,” to me.
But you know what?
Years of living and submitting to the people to whom I’ve granted authority or accountability, has made my life much easier and often protected me from stupidity and worse.
Sometimes the “no,” didn’t work out well.
We shrugged and regrouped.
But most of the time the word “no” has been a lifesaver.
Thanks be to God– and to everyone willing to hold me accountable to a no.
How about you? Are you accountable to someone else’s no?
Tweetables
Are you willing to accept a “no” from someone? Click to Tweet
The value of someone telling you “no.” Click to Tweet
We all need accountability. Have you got someone? Click to Tweet
Great post Michelle. We all need accountability partners.
Except that I don’t have one. With illness, the marriage relationship has changed enough that it isn’t really that kind of partnership any longer.
So…I have to self-correct. having to work independently in some pretty strange places and situations did require this of me as well, so it’s not really new, and I’m not upset or disappointed. It just ‘is’, and one carries on.